Pirates

Usually the only time I think about pirates are in one of the following three scenarios.

1. The Reds are playing them in a baseball match.
2. I am drinking a Rum and Coke.
3. Johnny Depp is doing something on TV.

However die to recent events, I have been reading up on these DBags of the open seas. These are a holes from 3rd world countries who have decided to make their living by theft and threatening human life. Then they cry when the freaking Navy Seals decide to shred some faces while trying to save an American life. I seriously doubt if back in the day ole Black Beard would throw such a hissy fit when a couple of his deckhands got offed when trying to steal some of the kings loot. Pirating is nothing like it used to be.

Now the pirates have decided to wage war on the United States. I know the Navy is taking this threat very seriously. I mean, it is just a matter of time until some overloaded life rafts with a bunch of stick figures with AK's start rolling up to the American shores.

What douchebags. They should go back to what they were doing before, chopping arms off and working in Diamond mines.

Noel Lee

Hey Mr Lee, STOP SUING PEOPLE!
I get it, you are trying to protect your brand, but seriously, the businesses you are targeting have nothing to do with your profit margin.

You lead a company that practices some of the biggest bullying tactics of the corporate world and because of this I have selected you to be this weeks DBag. The following are some of the companies you have bullied:

* Snow Monsters (a kid's skiing group)
* MonsterVintage, small used clothing store
* Monsters, Inc., an animated feature film
* Monster Garage, a television series
* Monsters of the Midway, a nickname of the Chicago Bears football team
* Fenway Park's Monster seats
* Monster.com employment website
* Monster Mini Golf
* Monster Balls Paintballs manufactured by JT Sports
* Blue Jeans Cable

Blue Jeans Cable slapped you in the mouth but you should still be ashamed of yourself.

P.S. please don't sue me, I tried your cables, they were ok but way overpriced.

Shana Brown

Again, apologies for posting a picture that may not be the offender. This DBag was too good to pass up.

Shana Brown has a 13 year old daughter. Like many parents she wanted to have another kid. The problem is however, Shana is unable to have kids. So Shana and her boyfriend decide to do the next best thing.

Nope, not adoption.

They decided to drug the 13 year old daughter so the boyfriend could impregnate her without her knowledge. This mother of the year candidate decided to allow and participate in the drugging and rape of her own kid so she could hear the pitter patter of little feet.

Disgusting.

Lonnie Lane

Sometime the punishment doesn't fit the crime....

This weeks DoucheBag would probably be considered a "small time" criminal. Mr. Lonnie Lane breaks into people's houses when they are not home and steals their stuff.

However Lonnie Lane broke into the wrong house. After getting caught in the act the tenant chased him down and laid the beating on him that you see in the picture. Ouch... I am picturing some pissed off construction worker busting this guy up pretty bad.

Nope, the woman (yeah a chick) that busted up DBag Lane was roughly the same size as him.

Have fun in jail explaining how tough you are to the other criminals after some 150 pound chick busted you up.

What a douchebag....

Bus Cook

While some people are about the team, our Douche Bag this week is about himself. Bus Cook is another sports agent. I know I am setting a pattern here, him being the second agent, but if the shoe fits, wear it.

Bus Cook has been the agent for a long line of whiny football players. The thing is, I don't think these guys are as prissy as they seem. This is all just a tactic by our DBag to work on new contracts. He sees an opening and attacks. You might think this is good play by this guy to make more money for his players. Maybe, but at the cost of their dignity and possibly their career.

The current squabble is with Jay Cutler in Denver. Jay is a good quarterback IN DENVER. Who knows if he can gel with any other team in the league. He has an opportunity to play with one of the best offenses in football and his agent, DBag Cook is jeopardizing his career with his latest ploy for more cash.

Ray Rafool

(picture is not off Ray Rafool, however, this is what I imagine him to look like)

Ray Rafool is the attorney who is representing Linda, Hulk Hogans ex wife. After a recent court appearance he was bad mouthing "The Hulk" to reporters and Mr. Hogan responded with a comment of his own. The actual conversation went down like this:

“Are you gonna wrestle with me here?” Rafool said loudly. “Are you gonna come across the cameras? Then be quiet.”

“It’s a free world,” Hogan replied.

“No, it’s not a free world,” Rafool said. “It’s called professionalism.”

I guess to Mr. Rafool (emphasis on FOOL) professionalism is talking down to someone based on the career they chose and shouting an insult to them in front of a bunch of reporters.

What takes the cake for this DBag is all this happened after he has asked Hulk for an autograph for his son.

Ray Rafool, you are a Dbag and are no longer allowed to be a Hulkamaniac.

Rod Blagojevich

Welcome former Governor Rod Blagojevich. (pronounced douchebag)

One would think you make this list because of the terrible approval rating you had as Governor of Illinois or that you tried to sell a senate seat for your own personal (private) gain. Nope, while both of these actions are filled with the DoucheBag element they alone are not enough to grace the pages of this site.

No sir, you are here because you are now writing a book about your experience. You are once again attempting to profit off being a sleaze bag. I have been working on some titles for your book and the one I keep coming back to is: "Hair Helmets: How to protect your head when there is not much in it."

Feel free to use it and then get a haircut. Seriously, what the hell is going on up there? Are you renting space to the hair club for men? You hair has been an issue for some time. Blagojevich insisted his aides carry a hairbrush for him at all times, which he referred to as "the football," a reference to the term "nuclear football," which represents the bomb launch codes never to be out of reach of the president. This A hole thinks his hair brush is as important as nuclear war.

Below is an image of one of your famous, well thought out quotes that I am sure will go down into the history books as a fine time in your reign as Gov.

Al Sharpton

First let me take a minute to thank my loyal readers. In the past week I have had some comments and emails with people either loving or hating the site. Thanks for the support and it is for you that I will continue to post weekly.

Al Sharpton has been on my radar for a while. The reason this guy is such a douche bag is because he uses a positive front to hide his douchbaggery. The guy makes a living by inciting hate. He takes situations in which there is no racism and creates a stir so that people will follow and donate money to his cause.

In the past week he has organized a riot outside of a the NY Post building and demanded that the owner of the newspaper, Rupert Murdoch, be jailed for a cartoon in the paper. There are a few flaws with this.

1. Rupert Murdoch did not draw the cartoon.
2. Rupert Murdoch did not edit the cartoon.
3. Rupert Murdoch did not print the cartoon.
4. The cartoon was in no way racist.

Anyone that understands basic government should understand why the cartoon was not racist and was not about Barack Obama. (Who by the way I did vote for). Sharpton screams racism in order to get into the news and solicit more donations from idiots. End of story.

With people like Al Sharpton creating racism where it does not exist our country will never truly get past the racist issues that are genuine.

Dustin Dibble

Sometimes this article just writes itself. I thought of writing about Steeler fans thanks to the A Hole that comes to my site looking for spank material for his Big Ben fantasies. However, there is just a bigger Douche bag in Dustin Dibble. (link)

Dustin decided to go out drinking in NYC. He then decided to take the subway home. Instead of following the same pattern of waiting for the train and then boarding the train like millions of others manage to do every day, Dustin decides to somehow end up on the tracks and get his leg cut off.

Tragedy right? Wrong! PayDay! Dustin with the help of an even bigger douche bag lawyer sues the transit authority for 3.5 million dollars. Claiming they should have stopped the train. The jury found the transit authority and the subway operator responsible for 65% of the incident. Here is what Dustin's lawyer said about the incident...

“Dibble in no way contributed to (the accident), and his injuries were due solely to the negligence and carelessness of the defendant,”

Unless that subway driver or the transit authority was out buying shots for Dustin and slipping him some funky pills, I can't see why they are at fault. I have managed to go out drinking hundreds of times and taken the subway home after many of those times and not once have I managed to even come close to getting my legs chopped off. Hell, I have even managed to keep my drunk ass off the tracks.

Once again, we as a society are proving that no one is responsible for their own actions and who knows, your next slip and fall / payday could be right around the corner. Live dangerously.

Drew Rosenhaus

Long overdue. This guy is a douche bag of the worst kind. He has an inflated view of his self importance because he deals with some of the biggest stars in the NFL on a daily basis.

This guy is classic little man syndrome. He is the loudest guy in the room, probably has about a gallon of expensive toilet water on and probably talks more smack than Muhammad Ali. His company logo is a freaking super man symbol. Seriously, this guy thinks he is faster than a speeding bullet and can leap tall buildings.

You may remember him from his press conference with Terrell Owens where he continued to dodge reporters questions by just repeating the phrase "Next Question".

His latest antics are sending a letter to all 31 teams naming 3 players that are looking for a trade, even though all three are under large contracts and need permission from their teams to look for trades. This guy thinks he is above the rules and above the people.

Drew, you suck.

Nadya Suleman

This weeks DBag comes from Los Angeles, California. Nadya Suleman qualifies as a DBag for the fact that she is a waste on society. After being a single mother with 6 kids and no job, she decided it was a good idea to go ahead and have some more kids. So she took the government assistance (aka all the productive members of societies cash) and paid for invitro fertilization. It took and she had 8 more kids.

This crazy bitch has 14 kids and no job. In a world where people are struggling to make ends meet this woman is sponging of society by continuing to have kids she can't afford. Lady, if I want to pay for some more kids I will go ahead and have some more of my own.

This blogger thinks because of idiotic shows like John and Kate plus 78 and the like, this woman sees a life of television in her future. I see 14 kids struggling through life with a moron for a mother. There is going to be teen pregnancy, drug abuse and criminal activity galore in this family.

Man, this lady sucks....

Ben Roethlisberger

Last week I brought the mood down pretty low, this week I am going to attempt to lighten it a little. Ben Roethlisberger is a Douche bag.

"But Probinu, everyone knows that"

You are right, but I feel when a person of his level of DBag is attempting to play in another Super Bowl this Sunday, I feel the need to remind the world how big of a DBag he is.

I hate that he gets credit for a Super Bowl win. Come on, we all remember the game, Ben was the best player that day on the Seahawks team. I thought Seattle was going to start punting the ball on first down to have a better chance of scoring. Ben's quarterback rating was 22.6, (9/21 completion, 123 yards, 2 interceptions) the worst rating a winning QB has ever had in Super Bowl history.

Also, they call him Big Ben. He is named after some big old clock in England. England sucks, to them football is a sport you can't use your hands.

He went to Miami U. While that does not automatically categorize him as a DBag it does put him dangerously close the the distinction.

He plays for the Steelers.

He had a talk show host shave his beard. Like any one cares about the crustache and pubes hanging from his mangled face.

Hit hit a car on his motorcycle while he was not wearing a helmet. Even though he knows the danger of head trauma without protection. I mean, he does wear one in his job.

Ben Roethlisberger became not only the highest-paid Steelers player ever, he's now among the highest-paid players in the NFL, and arguments can be made that he's No. 1.

When he plays bad he fakes an injury. Maybe he should move to England and play "Football"

That's all I have, I hope to see Fatlisberger crying on the sidelines on Sunday. Hopefully this year the refs will call a fair game.

Casey Anthony

Depending on what the DBag of the week has done, it may be funny to laugh at why this person has been nominated. I have decided to let my decision on who is DBag of the week be based on what person I hear about in a given week that makes me react the most. That reaction may be anger or laughter.

In this weeks case it is disgust. Having a little girl myself I can not imagine how a person can harm a child. I get upset when my little girl falls down when trying to stand up. This DBag and waste of human life, Casey Anthony, is one of the worst people I have ever heard of.

All of the news is not out on this story but the reason I choose this week to nominate her for the DBag weekly honor is the news I heard today.

Her daughters remains were found bound with duct tape. On top of the tape covering her mouth was the sticker of a heart. Also with her was her favorite blanket a Winnie the Pooh blanket.

The purpose of the sticker and blanket may never be known. Maybe it was the last bit of comfort a scared little girl had in her life or a sick, sick persons way of making it seem what she is doing a little more human. In either case I hope the rest of Casey's life is hell.

Stacey Peterson

Meet Stacey Peterson.

I decided to stay local in this weeks douchebag of the week and also nominate our first woman. Stacey is a native of Cincinnati and refuses to let her 3 young kids ruin her social life. Her kids ages 4, 3 and 8 months were left home alone so that she could go to the movies.

The 3 kids were home alone, in an unlocked apartment with no food. They were discovered when social workers following up on a previous infraction came for a visit.

When Stacey returned she told police a false name and lied about why the kids were home. I imagine her defense will consist of something like:

"I'm a grown woman, can't nobody tell me how to get mines."

Although that was a gross stereotype, I can't imagine from the look of that woman that she is holding down a 9 to 5 and being a genuine contributor to society. The thing that surprises me most about this story is that somebody(s) decided to have sex with that bitch 3 times.