It's a tie

I have decided to nominate the happy couple to the left as co-Dbags of the week.

The guy on the far left cheated on his wife with every woman he has crossed paths with in the last 5 years. He was arrogant and when caught got the shit beat out of him by his wife.

However, Tiger Woods has made amends by creating a commercial for Nike where his dead father reprimands him. I mean, come on, how can you be mad at a guy who is getting punished by his dead father?

The wife in the picture is none other than Big Ben Roethlisberger.  Even though in the picture he looks 7 months pregnant, I have no sympathy for this guy. What kind of an idiot must you be if you are a two time Super bowl winning quarterback that can't get a girlfriend?

Ben's pickup lines consist of him dropping his pants and telling a girl to do whatever they want to him.  So far this has been met with lawsuits.

So to summarize, one is a dbag that beds too many women with no discrimination for taste.  The other is a dbag that can not bed a single woman so he proceeds to assault them.

Khatami and Ahmadinejad

A lot of you probably think that we have been slacking off, but in reality we were just making room for two very large douche bags. So large in fact that they required us to use the entire month of June.

Iran recently held a presidential election. All polls pointed to a new face winning the majority. After an unbelievable 85% of the population voted, all ballots were tallied up and 2 hours after the scheduled poll closing Ahmadinejad was announced as winner and retook his place as president. Quick note, the counting of the votes was expected to take 3 days and that was before so many people showed up at the polls forcing them to stay open more than 3 hours after scheduled closing in some locations.

So rumors of election fraud ran rampant and riots began. The personal mility of the Supreme Leader Khatami flexed their muscle and beat the protesters. Killing woman and students then hospitalizing hundreds more. Even going so far as to "retire" several national soccer players for wearing green bracelets to show their support for the other running parties.

Democracy is a fickle thing. Here we have one vote per person. There they have one vote per person, but the only vote that matters comes from the Supreme Leader.


Cheer up Mousavi, once they let you off of house arrest and you stop demanding things like human rights, they might let you run again in 4 years.

Charlene Schmitz

Charlene Schmitz is currently in jail for having relations with a 14 year old student. There are several reasons this teacher is a DBag.

1. She has children older then the student in question.
2. She is currently in jail but because of a loophole is still making 51,000 a year from the school district.
3. She is not good looking, not even a little bit.

As mentioned above the woman is still being paid from the school district because of a loophole in the law. She has the right to appeal her firing and must be paid until the appeal. The way the law is setup she can not have her appeal until all of her criminal appeals are exhausted which could take up to 3 years. That's more than 150,000 dollars they must pay this woman as well as pay her replacement. Even Debra Lafave thinks that is dumb.

Tiffany Toribio

We are back to the disgusting human beings. The second I heard this story it was an instant kick in the gut. How can people be so disgusting to do these types of things to children.

Meet Tiffany Toribio. This bitch decided her 3 year old son should not grow up in a world where no one cares about him (nice coming from a mother). So she decided to suffocate the 3 year old boy with her hand. The next part is the part that absolutely disgusted me...

"She placed her hand over her son's mouth and nose and suffocated him. She had second thoughts about what she did. She performed CPR on her son, brought him back to life and then decided to go forward with that original act she had started to commit,"

This kid had to endure being killed by his mother twice. What a disgusting human being.

Corie Blount

This weeks DBag is a local "Hero". Corie Blount played basketball at the University of Cincinnati before spending 10+ seasons in the NBA. So what does a retired basketball player do with some cash in his pocket and free time on his hands?

You got it, start drug dealing. So Mr Blount gets picked up with almost 30 lbs of the Mary Jane and a bunch of cash. His excuse? Me and some friends are going to smoke it. He must have meant his face book friends because you are going to need a whole lot of people (like a community or a middle school) to handle that kind of partying.

Corie Blount did some name dropping in court including that of Basketball coach Bub "The straight and narrow" Huggins. Huggins wrote:

“Corie Blount is a great person who still has the capacity to help many young people out there,”

Help them with what Bob? Their cataracts?

So what kind of sentence gets handed down to a guy like this? At least 10 years you guess? Nope. An equally big Dbag of a judge gives this guy a year. 1 year.

I think if I stole some gum from the Super America on the way home tonight I would get a harsher punishment than that.

Manny Ramierez

Hey, that's just Manny being Manny.

This weeks DBag is none other then the dread locked wonder of Manny Ramirez. As if baseball and the marquis players did not have enough of a black eye along comes the crazy long haired wonder to the tune of "Another one bites the dust".

50 games. That is just long enough to hamper the Dodgers offense long enough to push them pretty far back in the playoff chase. Way to not only let down your fans, your legacy, your teammates, your profession but also let yourself down by getting caught with one of the pansiest drugs out there.

I mean, if you are going to go down, go down in flames (ala Jose Canstrikeout). Don't get caught with some estrogen producing drug that expectant mothers are taking. I bet even those pills are pink and have a floral pattern.

Manny, when you come back and are in a slump because you are nervous about re-juicing take some time to think about how you passed those other tests. By having some one else pee for you. What did you think was going to happen this time, a wink and a smile and some dumb comment was going to make your pee clear? DBag.

Brett Favre

Brett Favre used to be a good football player. Now he should star in a daytime soap opera. I do not understand how an over the hill QB who single handedly handed his teams playoff chances away last season with terrible play gets so much air time.

The new story is now that he has officially been released by the Jets he has hired a personal trainer to get back into football shape. He has an interest in the Minnesota Vikings apparently.

If this story gets legs we are going to lose the 15 minutes a day of sports coverage we get from ESPN now that does not include steroids or the Yankees or both and it will be filled with what Brett Favre is thinking.

Brett please stop hijacking my sports. I had a rabbit when I was little named Bun Bun. You could learn some things from him. When he was too old to play around he decided to go live on "the farm". You own a farm, you should go hang out there. Set up an old tire, throw some balls at it.

Apple

This weeks Dbag nomination has been on my shit list for quite some time. It is not so much the company itself, it is the following of the mind numb fanboys (and girls) that blindly buy up anything this company has to offer just because it claims to be innovative and looks pretty.

I admit, I have an IPod and it is pretty cool. Too bad it was designed many years before apple started pushing them by a guy who couldn't afford to keep the patent. Apple swoops in and BOOM innovation. (they put some shiny metal on it, that's nice)

I really love the new laptop that is thinner than a sheet of paper and weighs as much as 8 feathers. Try and buy some software and load that cd/dvd into the machine. Nope, no disc drive. Even though it is not practical at all, it is innovative.

This week Apple is in the news for their new offering, the Shaken Baby game for the IPod / IPhone. Here is how it works, a baby is on the screen and it cries. The game times how long it takes before you get fed up and shake it. Thus injuring the kid and.... seriously? This made it past your quality control? Twice? (the game was removed from the app store and then was returned and then removed again)

I bet they are just pulling it back so they can charge people to download it twice. Version 2 will be much more innovative.

Go ahead trolls, blow it up.

Pirates

Usually the only time I think about pirates are in one of the following three scenarios.

1. The Reds are playing them in a baseball match.
2. I am drinking a Rum and Coke.
3. Johnny Depp is doing something on TV.

However die to recent events, I have been reading up on these DBags of the open seas. These are a holes from 3rd world countries who have decided to make their living by theft and threatening human life. Then they cry when the freaking Navy Seals decide to shred some faces while trying to save an American life. I seriously doubt if back in the day ole Black Beard would throw such a hissy fit when a couple of his deckhands got offed when trying to steal some of the kings loot. Pirating is nothing like it used to be.

Now the pirates have decided to wage war on the United States. I know the Navy is taking this threat very seriously. I mean, it is just a matter of time until some overloaded life rafts with a bunch of stick figures with AK's start rolling up to the American shores.

What douchebags. They should go back to what they were doing before, chopping arms off and working in Diamond mines.

Noel Lee

Hey Mr Lee, STOP SUING PEOPLE!
I get it, you are trying to protect your brand, but seriously, the businesses you are targeting have nothing to do with your profit margin.

You lead a company that practices some of the biggest bullying tactics of the corporate world and because of this I have selected you to be this weeks DBag. The following are some of the companies you have bullied:

* Snow Monsters (a kid's skiing group)
* MonsterVintage, small used clothing store
* Monsters, Inc., an animated feature film
* Monster Garage, a television series
* Monsters of the Midway, a nickname of the Chicago Bears football team
* Fenway Park's Monster seats
* Monster.com employment website
* Monster Mini Golf
* Monster Balls Paintballs manufactured by JT Sports
* Blue Jeans Cable

Blue Jeans Cable slapped you in the mouth but you should still be ashamed of yourself.

P.S. please don't sue me, I tried your cables, they were ok but way overpriced.

Shana Brown

Again, apologies for posting a picture that may not be the offender. This DBag was too good to pass up.

Shana Brown has a 13 year old daughter. Like many parents she wanted to have another kid. The problem is however, Shana is unable to have kids. So Shana and her boyfriend decide to do the next best thing.

Nope, not adoption.

They decided to drug the 13 year old daughter so the boyfriend could impregnate her without her knowledge. This mother of the year candidate decided to allow and participate in the drugging and rape of her own kid so she could hear the pitter patter of little feet.

Disgusting.

Lonnie Lane

Sometime the punishment doesn't fit the crime....

This weeks DoucheBag would probably be considered a "small time" criminal. Mr. Lonnie Lane breaks into people's houses when they are not home and steals their stuff.

However Lonnie Lane broke into the wrong house. After getting caught in the act the tenant chased him down and laid the beating on him that you see in the picture. Ouch... I am picturing some pissed off construction worker busting this guy up pretty bad.

Nope, the woman (yeah a chick) that busted up DBag Lane was roughly the same size as him.

Have fun in jail explaining how tough you are to the other criminals after some 150 pound chick busted you up.

What a douchebag....

Bus Cook

While some people are about the team, our Douche Bag this week is about himself. Bus Cook is another sports agent. I know I am setting a pattern here, him being the second agent, but if the shoe fits, wear it.

Bus Cook has been the agent for a long line of whiny football players. The thing is, I don't think these guys are as prissy as they seem. This is all just a tactic by our DBag to work on new contracts. He sees an opening and attacks. You might think this is good play by this guy to make more money for his players. Maybe, but at the cost of their dignity and possibly their career.

The current squabble is with Jay Cutler in Denver. Jay is a good quarterback IN DENVER. Who knows if he can gel with any other team in the league. He has an opportunity to play with one of the best offenses in football and his agent, DBag Cook is jeopardizing his career with his latest ploy for more cash.

Ray Rafool

(picture is not off Ray Rafool, however, this is what I imagine him to look like)

Ray Rafool is the attorney who is representing Linda, Hulk Hogans ex wife. After a recent court appearance he was bad mouthing "The Hulk" to reporters and Mr. Hogan responded with a comment of his own. The actual conversation went down like this:

“Are you gonna wrestle with me here?” Rafool said loudly. “Are you gonna come across the cameras? Then be quiet.”

“It’s a free world,” Hogan replied.

“No, it’s not a free world,” Rafool said. “It’s called professionalism.”

I guess to Mr. Rafool (emphasis on FOOL) professionalism is talking down to someone based on the career they chose and shouting an insult to them in front of a bunch of reporters.

What takes the cake for this DBag is all this happened after he has asked Hulk for an autograph for his son.

Ray Rafool, you are a Dbag and are no longer allowed to be a Hulkamaniac.